So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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