My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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