i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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