Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
