just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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