i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
