i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me