Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome