Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
