I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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