I wish I could teleport
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
