Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
