Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
