goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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