hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
