okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
