just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
