He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
