and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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