someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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