I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
