I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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