do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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