somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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