We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
