why didn't you poke me back
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
