Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
