I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
