Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
