Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
