thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
