Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
