Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
