Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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