bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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