when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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