i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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