the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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