Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
