You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
