you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
