Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
