why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
