This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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