Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
