Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
