her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
