she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
