I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He kissed a someone with a penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
