You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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