I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
