fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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