Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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