I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
