I want to make a zoo with you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
