all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
