and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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