Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
