Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
