just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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