I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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