We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
