I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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