You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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