the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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