I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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