yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
