I don't usually arrange sex via text message
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
