To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
