the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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