My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
