please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
