Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
