i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
