My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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