i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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