Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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