after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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