Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
